If you can read this, Thank a teacher. They are the reason you have a chance to succeed

I've been in kindergarten for 2 weeks now. I am so finished with it already, I miss my second graders. I feel like I have no idea what is going on, how to teach kindergarten. I have no control of the classroom at all. I even feel like my mentor teacher doesn't have great control. They talk when shes talking and if another teacher or the IA comes in to speak to her they get louder and louder and louder. Ugh I just can't stand it anymore. I can't wait for it to be over. I had a mental breakdown last night and was extremely upset. I hope I can hold out until December. I'm even glad I have to make up a day in second grade so at least my very last day is in a grade I like. 

When both you are him are trying to figure out if something is real and not a whim? Does that mean its real? Sigh. Things are so difficult when people live far away and you can never really spend enough time together to figure it out. I know I really want this to work out and I really really like him. But its so hard to know. I don't want to uproot myself for something I have no idea if it will work out or not.... sigh

Well, this was my first week back in the classroom. No kids this week, just setting up. I never knew how much work went into setting up your own classroom. I am glad I got to be there this week, because now it is a little more real and less fairy tale. Its no easy picnic, but at the same time it is great when you get to decide what goes where and how the boards are set up. I actually got to do some of these. The whole desk set up was my idea, same with most of the organization. It was a really crazy week. I had to get used to getting up at 6am every morning, instead of just once a week. I also was at the school until at least 4:30 every day, normal day ends about 3:30, and sometimes even longer. But I got to meet some of the kids today and am looking forward to working with everyone. Here goes my last semester. 

I swear, money is a pain in the ass. I am student teaching this fall so therefore making jack squat. I will be working maybe 12 hours at $10 an hour. Not bad, but when you have rent and many other things well, thats just not enough. I have some money saved up for rent, but besides that I'm screwed. I also work for this spa company BeautiControl. I love their stuff and use it relgiously, but finding clients to purchase or even just hold a spa party is getting harder and harder. If I can hold 2 spas a month I would prolly make enough to cover bills. If only it was that easy. Now to add to problems, because I applied for graduation, my financial aid changed. A few weeks ago everything was paid for with aid. Now the school is telling me that I owe them about $3000. I don't get that. I hope it has something to do with the email I recieved about a rebate check. I better be getting a rebate check and that money better be in that check to cover the rest of my balance. Man the next couple months are going to be tough. I am not sure I am going to make it. Maybe I'll just cut food out of my budget, I should have a few extra dollars if I do that. 

For the first time in a really long time I was not the third wheel. It was glorious. I never mind it just being me with Jess and Steph, but this was great. I had someone to hold onto and kiss and all that jazz. I like this... unfortunatly he has to live 4 hours away.... sigh. Well hopefully he buys a house soon and I get to see him more often, that would be amazing. Well back to bed, he's still asleep, so cute.