If you can read this, Thank a teacher. They are the reason you have a chance to succeed

So I had a conversation the other day, was told it would never work again and so on. I decided the next day I need to get over it all. Can't be friends, its too painful for me. Yet he doesn't understand that, tries to get me to come down and all this. I don't know what to do, I am at such a loss right now and don't know what to do anymore and it doesn't seem like he's helping make any sense of this at all. I should just write him out. He told me its not gonna work. I guess I  just gotta run with that. 

I hate it when you are still in love with someone, you spill everything to them and they still don't get it. I am not just someone that you can call up for a booty call. We have already gone over this on how emotionally this screws me up. But no does he understand. I can't do it anymore, he says he cares about me but then only wants a booty call and tells me to get over myself.

I need new friends. One person can only hang out with you oh so often. And right now I feel like I have only one friend who even wants to hang out with me. Everyone else fucking sucks right now. No one is ever available. Everyday I wake up, maybe make it out of bed before noon go to the gym for at least 2 hours come home, try to find something to do, nothing. Today I asked someone to hang out tonight, I got a we'll see, they had to get stuff done. Well I never heard from them again. I even tried to get a hold of them. If I had more than one good friend I think I wouldn't feel so alone all the time and want a guy to fill the void, but I don't. Thank you to my one truly good friend, you know who you are. 

So yesterday I had hit the restart button on life. Joined a gym. I will be spending a large portion of my time there since I am done looking the way I do. I spilled my guts to my ex... finally telling him exactly how I feel. I think I pushed him away further, but I finally got it off my chest and I felt a lot better after doing that. I spent a great night out with two of my friends, even though I did lock my keys in my car (yay for AAA). Got very very very drunk. It was a good night.

The problem with getting over someone, is that when they actually care about you, or show instances where they care, it starts all over again. When someone doesn't care and completely writes you off, it hurts yes, but you get over them so much faster because there is no hint that it may ever work again because they don't give a fuck. Its been over a year.... I am still not over him and I don't want him to stop caring or leave my life altogether, that just makes me even more upset at the thought of that. I'm fucked, I need prince charming.