If you can read this, Thank a teacher. They are the reason you have a chance to succeed

Round and round it goes. Where it stops nobody knows. Can someone please stop fucking with me. I am tired of my emotions being screwed with and then I feel horrible and let down and everything else crappy. I am so done with boys, I need myself a man. Not a wolf in sheep's clothing.

So I had a conversation the other day, was told it would never work again and so on. I decided the next day I need to get over it all. Can't be friends, its too painful for me. Yet he doesn't understand that, tries to get me to come down and all this. I don't know what to do, I am at such a loss right now and don't know what to do anymore and it doesn't seem like he's helping make any sense of this at all. I should just write him out. He told me its not gonna work. I guess I  just gotta run with that. 

I hate it when you are still in love with someone, you spill everything to them and they still don't get it. I am not just someone that you can call up for a booty call. We have already gone over this on how emotionally this screws me up. But no does he understand. I can't do it anymore, he says he cares about me but then only wants a booty call and tells me to get over myself.

I need new friends. One person can only hang out with you oh so often. And right now I feel like I have only one friend who even wants to hang out with me. Everyone else fucking sucks right now. No one is ever available. Everyday I wake up, maybe make it out of bed before noon go to the gym for at least 2 hours come home, try to find something to do, nothing. Today I asked someone to hang out tonight, I got a we'll see, they had to get stuff done. Well I never heard from them again. I even tried to get a hold of them. If I had more than one good friend I think I wouldn't feel so alone all the time and want a guy to fill the void, but I don't. Thank you to my one truly good friend, you know who you are. 

So yesterday I had hit the restart button on life. Joined a gym. I will be spending a large portion of my time there since I am done looking the way I do. I spilled my guts to my ex... finally telling him exactly how I feel. I think I pushed him away further, but I finally got it off my chest and I felt a lot better after doing that. I spent a great night out with two of my friends, even though I did lock my keys in my car (yay for AAA). Got very very very drunk. It was a good night.